The Death of 2023

Two Thousand Twenty-Three: the Shitstorm

Two Thousand and Twenty-Three relentlessly pounded me with difficult situations. Hitting me with rejection, loss, and pain. It cornered me. It battered me with jab after jab of frustration, anger, and relentless opposition to everything I thought brought happiness into my life. It was unforgiving, yet every opposition was an opportunity for growth. While I am happy to see the death of 2023, I am forever thankful for the lessons it provided. I will not waste them.

What I Thought Would Happen in 2023

I expected 2023 to be an amazing year. My wife and I were moving into our second year of marriage. We had recently overcome the biggest challenge I thought we could have in our relationship, and we had plans for our future together. We still seemed to be deeply in love, and we were reaching for our dreams. Life was good and the future was bright.

Unfortunately, that’s not how life works. Life gives no shits about what you think you want. It often gives you what you need, though, if you’re not too stubborn to accept the offered lessons.

What Actually Happened in 2023

1. The house we dreamed of starting our new life in blossomed with mold and deteriorated until we gave up hope of fixing it ourselves and gave it away.
2. Choices made before we married led one of us to an unexpected financial collapse complete with a large pile of debts.
3. Differences in opinions about how to best deal with large debts devolved into arguments that failed to address the actual problem and only aimed to prove why the other person was wrong.
4. Constant arguing led my wife to move out, I reacted poorly to that, and the arguing increased.
5. My wife and I gave up hope of ever finding the middle ground between our views of the world and are now totally separated and waiting for the opportunity to dissolve the legal bindings between us.

I thought I would fill in the details for the above list but having come this far with it I find it unnecessary. The list itself explains enough to make clear why I’m cheering the death of 2023 without publishing details that aren’t necessarily mine to share.

What did I Learn?

1. Watching dreams die sucks.
2. Reality is different for everyone. It is subjective and mainly based on the perceptions and past experiences of each individual. This means my reality, and all the absolute truths I believe in, are not the same as anyone else’s.
3. Many of our thoughts, which heavily influence our interpretations of reality, are not ‘our’ thoughts. They are the result of social heredity and they often lead us astray when we believe them. We are only what we think we are until we realize that our minds lie to us more than anyone else ever could, but we are free to stop believing the things that our minds tell us through our inner dialogs.
4. When people argue they are each 100% responsible for the argument as anyone involved could have acted differently and changed the outcome. On the other hand, people are generally acting within the bounds of what their minds, often unconsciously, tell them is the best way to act in any given situation. Which means that nobody can be blamed for acting the way they did.
5. Given that reality is subjective and differs from person to person, it’s counterproductive to assume that someone believes the same thing as you about anything. Especially important concepts like what love and partnership mean. Take the time to talk about things and be sure that you understand each other’s expectations before making commitments.
6. People cannot give you anything they don’t have for themselves. This includes love, respect, honesty, dedication, everything.
7. You should not do things for people that you would not do for yourself. If you wouldn’t spend $100 on a pair of pants for yourself, don’t spend it on them either. Stick to your priorities. Don’t compromise your resources for someone else if you’re unwilling to tap into them for yourself.
8. People need clear boundaries, for themselves and others. Morals define what you will allow yourself to do when dealing with others. Boundaries define what you will allow others to do when dealing with you. These two things should be the same. If you will not accept it from others do not give it to them and, if you would not treat others, or yourself, in a certain way, don’t accept it when others treat you in that manner.
9. People will walk away and blame you for it when you define and enforce a boundary that wasn’t there before. Be prepared to lose them, it could hurt, but it won’t hurt as much as the years of pain you’ll suffer if you cave in and allow them to continue treating you in ways that affect you negatively.
10. My entire life has been spent reactively. I have never taken charge of it. I’ve always left the decisions to others and used my energy to try to support them on their journeys. It is time to end that way of life. I must take charge of my life, reach for my own dreams, work out my own problems, and, for fuck’s sake, maybe even decide where we are going to eat if I ever go out on a date again!

I will eventually add posts to expand on many of the things listed above. There is a lot to say and it’s an ever-evolving bank of knowledge.

2023 has Died…

What happens now that 2023 has died? What plans do I have for 2024? Will I fix things with my wife? It seems unlikely, but as I mentioned above, the judge has not signed any papers yet…

Long Live 2024!

Until then, I will build my own future. I will choose my path forward and take my own steps along it. I will grab my dreams and make them happen, with or without anyone else. I will live my own life and choose who and what I want to be. I will accept the company of whomever I wish and reject anybody that puts ripples in my reality. I will finally express to the universe what it means to be me. The death of 2023 will not lead to another year of the same old bullshit, I promise that.

Peace be with you all. I wish you the very best in life, each and every one of you.